Re: JOKE JOKE JOKE

by **carzcarz** Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:30 pm

BATA: pabili po ng ubas.
TINDERA: wala kaming tindang ubas.

*kinabukasan*

BATA: pabili po ng ubas.
TINDERA: wala nga kaming tindang ubas.

*kinabukasan*

BATA: ale, pabili ng ubas.
TINDERA: ala nga kaming tindang ubas. isa pang tanong mo iiisteypler ko yang bibig mo.

*kinabukasan*

BATA: ale, may isteypler po kayo? ü
TINDERA: wala, bakit?
BATA: pabili ng ubas.

todoooogshhhhhh!

by **carzcarz** Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:30 pm

(pinutol ni juan ang isang paa ng langaw)

JUAN: lipad!

(lumipad ang langaw. pinutol niya ang lahat ng paa ng langaw)

JUAN: lipad!

(lumipad ang langaw. pinutol niya ang pakpak)

JUAN: lipad! lipad! lipaaaaaaaadddddddddd!

(hindi nakalipad ang langaw)

JUAN: i therefore conclude, kapag ang langaw ay maputulan ng pakpak, mabibingi sya.

by **carzcarz** Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:32 pm

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Pray 2 Hail Mary.

by **carzcarz** Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:34 pm

Tcher: juan, read ur
500w0rds esSay..

juan: Ok mam!
\"My muning \"
i have a muning
my muning s
l0st.
So i went outsyd
d haus 2
luk 4 muning.

.............muning!(482x)

by hubastank Wed 22 Oct 2008, 9:02 pm

from what school do people who always asks for came from.....

monteSORRY (THIS WAS SO LAME CAME FROM A LAME FRIEND)

by gg Fri 24 Oct 2008, 9:05 pm

VINE TEA TRESS!

want to know about vine Tea TreSs??

whats vine Tea Tress??

Vine tea tress is actualy..

the date yesterday...

OCTOBEr VINe tea TresS... Laughing

by **carzcarz** Sat 25 Oct 2008, 12:21 pm

TEACHER: Class draw a fish..!
CLASS: Yes ma'am!
TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty..?
PEDRO: Ma'am, bagoong po yan."

"Pulis at Intsik:
Pulis: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.
Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay oke.."

"PASYENTE: Dok. . . Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito. . .
DOK: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. . ....Kasi ikaw rin ang una kong pasyente"

Tanga: kamusta yung exam mo.
b**o: wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko. Ikaw?
Tanga: naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser,
nagkopyahan tayo

"WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
MAN: ok,akin ang bahay!
WIFE: akin ang farm!
MAN: akin ang kotse!
WIFE: ah pero akin driver
MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!"

"Mrs: hoy!Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos
Mr: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para syo
Mr: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!"

"May bagong kasal:
MRS: Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay
MR: Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo
MRS: Oo dito na titira ang nanay ko!"

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po
ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA Huh?
Police: "Di Namin Alam "

"Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"

A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy..
BABY: Does this mean I am an angel???
FAIRY: (laughs) of course not! tong negrang to! ambisyosa! PANIKI ka!!

In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and asked;
are you going to dance??
The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked her and she said;
"yes" and the guys said "that's good, can I have your chair??"

"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK: Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"

Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin
na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung
papayag ang punerarya Smiley

bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!

Boy:Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni
ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!

Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:
Bush: "Lets help one another..."
Erap: "Tayo'y magtulungan. ......"
Bush: "...let's strive together..."
Erap: "...tayo'y magsikap..."
Bush: "...because in union there is strength."
Erap: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"

Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.

Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz... .... (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne... . ...(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner.. . .....(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg. . ..(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. ...... (erase)
Arnold Clavio

Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)
Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)
Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ... pag hindi
ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!

Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po.

by gg Sun 26 Oct 2008, 7:40 pm

sa "JOLLIBEE"

igorot: miss, papalita kog dugos...

cashier: wla mi dugos!

igorot: pag xure ui..! unsay wala? kadako sa in.u buyog sa gawas nya wala? yaw ko ilara oi! Very Happy

by **carzcarz** Thu 30 Oct 2008, 7:59 pm

It was jazz an ordinary day. Nasa mall ako noon.
Si Angel Locsin, nag provoke ng movie niya. Pull-packed talaga!
nakipila rin ako. Our of the loo, may bumulong: "Indaaaayyyy" Huh? It
sounded like a familiar sound. "Dodong!" sigaw ko.

The other fans turned
their backs to their behind. At napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko: "Sorry: I
didn't mean to be loud and proud." Hinawakan ni Dodong ang kamay ko. At
lumayo kami sa crowd.

"Kamusta Inday? Do you
come here open?" tanong niya. "Bihira lang. I'm just droppings by.
Ethnic ang schedule ko, eh," sabi ko.

"How can i forget to
remember Dodong? Siya may mata ni Piolo at dimple ni Aga. He's every
woman's dreamboat. I was staring my tour of duty kay ate nang unang
makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya. Naging kami for a
while. Then after that we were not an item anymore.

"Tanghali na Inday. What
did you say we lunch together?" tanong ni Dodong. "I don't mine" sagot
ko. Sabi ng restaurant waiter: "What's your odor sir?" "Do you have
porkshop?" tanong ni Dodong.

"Yes sir," sabi nito. "Our
porkshop is domestic selection of pork with little fat of femal liking.
The exquisite cooking, which repeated trial and error, was completed.
It has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully."

"Ikaw ma'am?" sabi niya sa
akin. Hmmmn.. mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I'm cutting down on
my carbon." Kaya pinigilan ko. I'll have water. Thanks. Liquidate diet
ako ngayon."

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya
si Dodong manood ng sine. "Teka, teka. This is going too far. Besides,
it's a long, long way to run." "Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa nah
ako. Si Jay, As a mother of fact, I'm happily married," pamamalaki ko.

"Di na pwede yung tulad ng
dati. Sorry. Pero i didn't expect you still have more feelings than i
expected. I don't want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore,
cause and defect," dagdag ko.

Tumahimik siya. Parang may
language barrel. The seconds passed like fraternity. "I don't care
less!" sigaw ni Dodong. Shocks. Give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito
para sigawan ako! To think it's his other woman that caused our
separation to part.

I felt speed bumps all
over and was having panic. Nagmamadali akong palayo. Pero sumunod siya
like it's a monkey on my butt. Nang dumating ang security guard,
biglang nawala si Dodong.

"Excuse me, pwedeng mag
tanong?" sabi ko sa guard. "Can I help you with my pleasure," sagot
niya. "Saan po ba ang exit?" tanong ko. "I got lost in my eyes."
"Diretso lang," sabi niya. "Then turn right anytime with care." "Thanks
for your coporation" sabi ko.

Pero, I smell something
peachy. As I turned, nakita ko si --- Dodong! Delaying static lang pala
ang pag-disappear niya. "Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide,
Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!" pananakot niya.

Oh no. Is this the end? I
feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Suddenly, Jay came from
behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, I am out
of arms way.

"Thanks Jay." Bago pa man
ako makatanong, sabi niya: "I was in the neighboorhood. Fans din ako ni
Angel Locsin. I heard you shout. At first, i didn't give it a thought.
Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I gave it
a thought. I know something is a missed."

Dodong no longer sister
me, as in platonic. Wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto shoot
sailing ang aming relationship. Open kami sa isa't-isa at walang
exhibitions. I'm on cloud line.

lol1

by **carzcarz** Thu 30 Oct 2008, 8:01 pm

Husband is the Computer expert:

Husband: (came home late from office)Hello honey now I'm logged in."
Wife: "Did you bring the gift that i want?"
Husband: "Bad command or filename."
Wife: "But I already asked you this morning!"
Husband: "Errorneous syntax. Abort?"
Wife: "Then,how about buy new television?"
Husband: "Variable not found..."
Wife: "OK , I want your credit card,I'll shop by myself."
Husband: "Sharing Violation. Access denied..."
Wife: "do you love me better than your computer?or you just playing?"
Husband: "Too many parameters..."
Wife: "the worst mistake was I married with Idiot man like you!"
husband: "Data type mismatch."
Wife: "you're useless."
Husband: "It's by Default."
Wife: "how about ur wage?"
husband: "File in use ... Try later."
Wife: "What i am in this family?"
Husband: "Unknown Virus."

(idol. Sleep

)

by **carzcarz** Thu 30 Oct 2008, 8:07 pm

Before marriage.... .

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....

Simply read from bottom to top.

by **carzcarz** Thu 30 Oct 2008, 8:08 pm

4 job applicants were asked...
INTERVIEWER: "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
GERMAN says: "Thought"
AMERICAN says: "A blink of the eye"
RUSSIAN says: "Light switch"
JUAN the PINOY says: "Diarrhea"
INTERVIEWER: " Why diarrhea?"
JUAN: Lit mi eksplen... Dis murning, I hab istumak ek, irun to di tuylet
but bipur i kud tenk, blenk, or eben swets on di layt, dir was igit
en my pants olride.. Su past! Beri past!!

lol1

by frozen Thu 30 Oct 2008, 10:48 pm

hehe. nahimuot ko

by **carzcarz** Sat 01 Nov 2008, 4:36 pm

AMO: day murag nidako lagi nang tiyan nimo?
MAID: kanser bya ni maam.
AMO: ha?! unsa naa kay cancer?
MAID: wa oi,! kan sir ni bah.....!

KILLER: padre mangumpisal ko?
PARI: unsa man imong sala?
KILLER: nakapatay ko 20 ka tao.
PARI:unsa! ngano?
KILLER: mu to-o man gud cila uy ginoo. Ikaw padre mutoo ka?
PARI: ha? aww sa una, pero karon jam jam nalang!

JUAN: birthday sa akong asawa.
PEDRO: unsa imo gift?
JUAN: ask ko unsa iya gusto.
PEDRO: unsa man giingon?
JUAN: bisan unsa daw basta naa DIAMOND.
PEDRO: unsa imong gihatag?
JUAN: BARAHA!!!!!

by **carzcarz** Sat 01 Nov 2008, 7:05 pm

just check tis out!

http://static.scribd.com/docs/736egzypod07v.swf?INITIAL_VIEW=width

by frozen Sun 02 Nov 2008, 12:32 am

ayna. cge sad link link.kahagi sa uwo. kakapoy

by terike77 Sun 02 Nov 2008, 11:40 am

COLLEGE DICTIONARY:

absent

- protest to a lousy teacher
============================================================

allowance

- force that motivates you to go to school

============================================================
ballpen

- bestseller of the bookstore
============================================================

bonus

- the key to pass the exam

============================================================

i.d.

- alternative ruler to draw straight line
============================================================

late

- happens when the teacher arrives earlier then expected

============================================================

studying

- causes sleepiness, faster than sleeping pills
============================================================

uniform

-where u wipe your wet hands after going to c.r.
============================================================
clinic

- home of the best actors and actresses
============================================================

tommorow

-deadline
============================================================

corridor

- place to copy homework right before class starts

============================================================

seatmate

- your immediate bestfriend during exam

============================================================

ceiling

- part of the room where you can possibly get answers

============================================================

AGREEEEEEEEEE??????????

thumbsup

by terike77 Sun 02 Nov 2008, 11:41 am

COLLEGE DICTIONARY:

absent

- protest to a lousy teacher
============================================================

allowance

- force that motivates you to go to school

============================================================
ballpen

- bestseller of the bookstore
============================================================

bonus

- the key to pass the exam

============================================================

i.d.

- alternative ruler to draw straight line
============================================================

late

- happens when the teacher arrives earlier then expected

============================================================

studying

- causes sleepiness, faster than sleeping pills
============================================================

uniform

-where u wipe your wet hands after going to c.r.
============================================================
clinic

- home of the best actors and actresses
============================================================

tommorow

-deadline
============================================================

corridor

- place to copy homework right before class starts

============================================================

seatmate

- your immediate bestfriend during exam

============================================================

ceiling

- part of the room where you can possibly get answers

============================================================

AGREEEEEEEEEE??????????

by **moonrose** Wed 05 Nov 2008, 12:05 pm

JOKE JOKE JOKE - Page 2 49431591_1f85a8689e

by **moonrose** Wed 05 Nov 2008, 12:06 pm

by **riz.the_great** Thu 13 Nov 2008, 2:57 pm

@ caRz..

mgSAkiT Akuu TiyAn cGe kaTAwa
sa mGa anSwers sa sTudEnTS

tawa ra

@ topc
---
d man kuu clown
wla kuu m-think
dancingpoop

by Toron Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:09 pm

Airforce: "No Guts, No Glory!"

Marines: "No Retreat, No Surrender!"

Army: "No Pain, No Gain!"

Sekyu: "No ID, No Entry!"

Hostes: "No Pay, No Lay!"

by **Lithium Sulphate** Fri 05 Dec 2008, 9:17 pm

hidden soldier tubag ni manny sa number 1 anti-dandruff shampoo.

by Joshira Mon 07 Dec 2009, 10:42 pm

1: unsay sakyan padong banawa?
2: pwedi 07B, 07D pero mas maayo jud ag 01T.
1: 01T?
2: Zero One Taxi. Hahaha.

Overs pud ca bigbrothers. Hahaha.

by **riz.the_great** Sat 02 Jan 2010, 4:34 pm

unsa tawag sa babae na dli makipag.date??

-pakipot

unsa tawag sa lalaki na dli makipag.date??

-kuripot

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